The Courage to Be Disliked
Rea,
Last week we talked about how a parent’s job isn’t to be liked, but to help you become independent. This applies to many roles - teachers assigning challenging work, coaches drilling fundamentals, or friends telling you when you have food in your teeth. These everyday situations share an important truth: doing what’s right won’t always make you popular.
Think about your favorite ice cream flavor. No matter how delicious you find it, some people dislike it. Even vanilla - the world’s most popular flavor - has plenty of people who find it bland. If even ice cream can’t please everyone, how could a person possibly do so? As the saying goes, you might please some of the people most of the time, or all of the people some of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time.
There’s a book I read called “The Courage to Be Disliked” that changed how I think about this. It suggests that true freedom comes when we stop worrying so much about what others think of us. This doesn’t mean being unkind or disrespectful - it simply means having the courage to be yourself and make choices based on your values, even when those choices aren’t popular.
The courage to be disliked shows up in simple, everyday moments - like choosing what to wear based on what feels right for you rather than what others think is cool, or sharing your honest opinion in class when it differs from the popular view. These small decisions might seem minor, but they require courage - not the dramatic kind from history books, but the quiet kind that comes from knowing who you are.
The amazing thing about having the courage to be disliked is that it creates space for genuine connections. When you stop trying to be everyone’s favorite flavor, you discover something wonderful - the people who truly appreciate your unique taste. And those authentic relationships are far more satisfying than being blandly acceptable to everyone.
Love, Abba
P.S. Next time you need to choose between doing what you think is right and doing what might make others like you more, remember that ice cream shop. You don’t need everyone to like your choice - just like you don’t need everyone to like your favorite flavor.
